Vancouver Counsellor Erica Beauchamp Presents Gottman-Based Communication Tools for Couples at the West Coast Women’s Show
The talk covers the three types of couples, the Four Horsemen of conflict and their antidotes, and practical tools counsellors teach couples to strengthen their relationships
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
VANCOUVER, B.C. — January 2, 2024 — Erica Beauchamp, M.Ed., RCC, founder of Counsel Me Vancouver and a couples therapist certified at Level 3 in the Gottman Method, presented a talk on communication in relationships at the West Coast Women’s Show in November 2023. A recording of the 22-minute talk is now available on the practice’s YouTube channel. Counsel Me Vancouver also staffed a booth at the show throughout the weekend.
Beauchamp drew on the research of the Seattle-based Gottman Institute and described three types of couples: those who never argue, who tend to stay together longer but let resentment build; those who are always in conflict; and what the Gottman approach calls “master” couples. “They’re the couples that do deal with conflict. They talk about things, they work through things, and generally they try to figure them out,” she said of the master couples.
The center of the talk was the Four Horsemen, four ways of communicating that Beauchamp said predict a breakup if nothing changes: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. For each, she offered an antidote. For criticism, it is the “soften startup,” which names a feeling, describes the situation in objective terms, and asks for what the speaker needs. For defensiveness, it is accepting responsibility for part of the problem. For contempt, it is describing your own feelings and needs rather than your partner’s. For stonewalling, it is taking a timeout to self-soothe before returning to the conversation.
Beauchamp gave a kitchen example of a soften startup: “I feel overwhelmed with the kitchen being messy, and I really need some help cleaning it up when you have time,” in place of “Why did you leave such a mess?”
She also explained emotional flooding, when an argument pushes someone into fight-or-flight with a racing heart and tunnel vision. She said it usually takes 20 to 30 minutes for the heart rate to come down, and that the practice keeps heart monitors in its offices for couples sessions for this reason. “The worst thing you can do when somebody gets flooded is try to continue talking to them, because you’ll make them more flooded,” Beauchamp said.
Beauchamp closed with the Gottman tools used in couples therapy sessions: the Stress-Reducing Conversation, the Aftermath of a Fight or Regrettable Incident, the Gottman-Rapoport technique, Dreams Within Conflict, Eight Dates, and the Trust Revival Method for affairs and betrayals. Asked when to consider therapy, she said: “Anytime is a good time. We don’t want to wait too long until things are too bad and the hole is dug too deep that it’s harder to come out of.”
The full talk is below, and on Counsel Me Vancouver’s YouTube channel.
About Counsel Me Vancouver
Counsel Me Vancouver is a Vancouver-based counselling practice led by Erica Beauchamp, M.Ed., RCC, offering individual and couples therapy in-person and virtually across British Columbia. The practice specializes in anxiety, stress, depression, grief, and couples counselling, with a team trained in CBT, EMDR, and the Gottman Method. Learn more at counselmevancouver.com.
Media Contact
Counsel Me Vancouver
Phone: (604) 218-1393
Email: erica@counselmevancouver.com
Archive release. Dated to the video's publication on January 2, 2024, and added to this page on October 31, 2026.
Ready to Talk to Someone?
Book a free, no-pressure consultation with a Vancouver counsellor.
Book a Consultation